Editor’s note: The article below is purely for entertainment purposes. (Although an ice cream delivery truck really did catch fire near Launiupoko on Monday.)
By Vanessa Wolf
What started as a favor to Reuben Mattus, the founder of Haagen-Dazs, melted down yesterday morning in frozen confection flames, as horrified islanders looked on.
Crews from the Maui Fire Department responded to a call at 5:54 a.m. regarding an ice cream delivery truck on fire about a quarter of a mile south of Launiupoko Beach Park.
The ice cream delivery company, in business since 1979 and started as the aforementioned favor, transports cool, sugary deliciousness in the form of Haagen-Dazs, Dreyers, Nestle, Skinny Cow, Fat Boy, Nestle and even Hot Pockets products to area retailers.
“The horror of seeing all that creamy goodness- and possibly some Ham, Egg, and Cheese Breakfast Pockets – burning in the fiery flames was almost too much to bear,” reported witness Sue Tamaka. “It was one of those things you can’t un-see. I can’t even imagine the kinds of nightmares this is going to inspire.”
“It smelled like S’mores!” chimed in her husband, Shaun.
The event has lawmakers asking, “Who is responsible for this terrible accident? The truck manufacturer? The delivery company? The ice cream makers? God?”
The tragedy has had some anti-ice cream delivery truck fire advocates calling for reform.
As a result, they are proposing the mandatory installation of an “ice cream delivery truck bursting into flames early warning detection system.”
“The ‘ice cream delivery truck bursting into flames early warning detection system’ would provide a way for the driver – not to mention the ice cream itself – to receive advance notice of the potential of a fire,” explained activist Shirley Zeller. “We’re envisioning something inside the cab of the delivery truck to alert the driver. This same device would receive information from the vehicle, particularly about faulty or sparking wires, battery trouble, or a gas leak.”
Zeller envisions the “ice cream delivery truck bursting into flames early warning detection system” as having the capacity to illuminate when there is an issue, allowing the driver to pull over and check on the well-being of the vehicle and his precious cargo.
“We believe a system like this could save the lives of millions of gallons a year.” Zeller stated.
“Wouldn’t that be the ‘check engine’ light?” asked a bystander who overheard.
Zeller quickly eschewed the question, continuing – tears in her eyes – to implore the small crowd that had assembled by the smouldering wreck the day after the incident. “Fire is the arch-enemy of ice cream. It’s a natural predator, if you will. Would you put a lion and a gazelle in the same truck together without at least caging the lion or having some way of knowing if it’s about to attack? I don’t think so. Something has got to give. We need these reforms. Think of the ice cream. Think of the children.”
Although an unknown amount of ice cream lost its life in yesterday’s delivery truck fire, thankfully no human injuries were reported (other than the bitter reality of the situation). It is still unknown whether any Hot Pockets were harmed or merely over-toasted and later consumed by fire fighters.
Have an idea for a fun or thought-provoking story or topic? Get in touch: we want to hear from you. -Vanessa (@mauinow.com)