Vanessa Wolf just ate an entire bag of Fritos.
By Vanessa Wolf
You did it! You (most likely) survived another year!
Celebrate your continued existence at one of these fine functions we’ve found for you.
Best Way to Impress a Date
Whales, reggae, and Maui Brewing Company beer = Pacific Whale Foundation’s Island Rhythms Sunset Cocktail Cruise.
You cannot screw this one up.
The charismatic Marty Dread hosts and performs, and apparently they take you far enough out to sea that all those archaic Maui Liquor Control Board “Footloose” dancing bans don’t apply.
Your ticket also includes hot and cold appetizers of BBQ pulled pork, meatballs with homemade marinara sauce, taro rolls to build your own hot sandwich, artichoke dip with crackers, a locally-grown vegetable platter with ranch dip and a locally-grown assorted fresh island fruit platter.
There is also all-you-can-drink chilled soda, juice, filtered water and up to three cocktails per adult, with a choice of local Maui microbrewery (Maui Brewing Co.) beer, wine and tropical well drinks.
Tickets are $59.95 for adults and $39.95 for children under 12. The cruise is from 5-7 p.m., but the PWF asks that you check in 45 minutes early at the Ma’alaea Harbor.
Best New Kid on the Block
Donnie Wahlberg. Duh.
But seriously, tonight is the inaugural Kihei Friday Town Party!
The party takes place from 6 to 9 p.m. at Azeka Shopping Center: Mauka.
Events kick off at 6 p.m. with a Hawaiian blessing and invocation by Cultural Advisor Kimokeo Kapahulehua.
At 6:20 p.m., The House Shakers, featuring Lenny Castellanos from Mick Fleetwood’s Blues Band play, and at 7:20 there will be hula dancing.
Headliner Erin Smith and the Throwdowns take to the stage at 8 p.m.
There will also be a Keiki/Youth Zone with family-friendly activities and arts and crafts for children and teens and a large food court area.
Best Way to Keep the Kihei Fourth Friday Town Party Going
Not only can you park right there in the Azeka Makai lot for free (presuming you are early enough), but Stella Blues is offering entertainment both before and after the official Fourth Friday party.
Things kick off at 4 p.m. with Ahumanu, and John Cruz takes the stage at 7:30 p.m.
Shut down the night with the Vince Esquire Band at 10 p.m.
There will also be a beer garden (one of several) outside the restaurant/bar.
Best Way to Relive the Glory Days
Do you enjoy the sound of bones breaking?
Then you might be excited to hear that the Maui High versus Baldwin High Alumni Football USA game is Saturday night at 7 p.m.
Some brave alumni have been training for weeks in order to give back to the community by throwing the pigskin.
This is no Harlem Globetrotters show either. Sure, these guys could have put up a Facebook ad and staged a flag football game, but thanks to a company called Alumni Football USA, this is the real deal. Each player pays a fee to join the team, and the company supplies equipment, refs, security, EMTs and liability insurance.
You read that right: EMTs.
Although specific names were not available, we learned some of these guys played for the Maui Stars semi-pro team. The Baldwin team has a few players that are 48-years-old, and the youngest graduated last summer. There are also brothers, uncles, and nephews representing.
Admission is $10 for anyone 12 and older, $5 for kids aged seven to 11. Those under 6 get in free.
$5 of each ticket sold goes back to the team for them to give to their school, Pop Warner programs and/or various other organizations within the community.
Best Way to Use Your Final First Light Ticket
Or maybe you are the kind of selfless, caring person who volunteered at the Maui Film Festival last June and still has the ticket they gave you for the FirstLight Festival on your fridge? *ahem*
Well, this is it, kids. Use it or lose it!
We recommend you check out the early release (select theaters only) of Promised Land, starring Matt Damon on Sunday night.
Promised Land is a new contemporary drama directed by Gus Van Sant (Good Will Hunting, Milk). Matt Damon plays Steve Butler, an ace corporate salesman who is sent along with his partner, Sue Thomason (Frances McDormand), to close a key rural town in his company’s expansion plans. With the town having been hit hard by the economic decline of recent years, the two outsiders see the local citizens as likely to accept their company’s offer of drilling rights to their properties as much-needed relief.
What seems like an easy job for the duo becomes complicated by the objection of a respected schoolteacher (Hal Holbrook) with support from a grassroots campaign led by another man (John Krasinski), as well as the interest of a local woman (Rosemarie DeWitt). Promised Land explores America at the crossroads where big business and the strength of small-town community converge.
The show starts at 7:30 p.m. in the Castle Theater and tickets are $12 each.
Have an event you want harshly judge…er…considered? Drop us a line at firstname.lastname@example.org.