Vanessa Wolf is a writer who may be crazy…but it just may be a lunatic you’re looking for.
By Vanessa Wolf
Realizing you have Halloween plans…but nothing to wear?
Have no fear: throwing together an awesome last-minute costume has never been easier.
We took the liberty of turning to the best sources of fodder for Halloween ideas – pop culture, hit films, and embarrassing political moments – to bring you this (genius?) array of last-minute ideas.
Honey Boo Boo
If you don’t know who Honey Boo Boo is, you either live a uniquely charmed life or you’re just lying to yourself.
The seven-year-old former star of TLC’s “Toddlers and Tiaras” and now her own, aptly named “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” reality show makes a great costume; especially if you’re inclined toward offensive or outrageous behavior anyway.
All you need is a tacky prom gown, curly blonde wig, and a “I’ve had way too much candy but not nearly enough Go Go Juice” attitude, and you’re good to go.
Couples can consider teaming up and appearing as Honey Boo Boo and her mother, June. Just be sure to have the ingredients for Go Go Juice – Mountain Dew and Red Bull – on hand in case either of you starts to lose steam.
Binders Full of Women
During the second presidential debate, Mitt Romney was asked a question about pay equity for women. For better or worse, Romney responded about being given “whole binders full of women” to consider for his cabinet.
It didn’t make much sense then – and still doesn’t – but that doesn’t mean it wouldn’t make a fabulous Halloween costume.
Ladies, grab a couple close friends, a couple cans of spray paint, and a refrigerator box. Cut off one side of the box. Spray “Binders full of women” on the middle section, fold the other two around you, stand inside. Helllloooo prize money!
Don’t let that Snooki/Amy Winehouse/Elvira wig from Halloweens yore go to waste.
It can experience new life upon your head as you strut down Front Street as Pregnant Snooki.
Look, if you have to ask, this probably isn’t the costume for you. However, if you fondly remember the heavily tanned, juicehead-loving, Jersey Shore Guidette, you’ll love her preggers. Besides, we all know you’ve been dying for a reason to use the accent anyway.
Now’s your chance.
Pick out a short dress, throw a pillow inside, consider toting a baby doll even though it’s illogical, and get to teasing that hair.
(P.S. There is a reason there is no sample photo. Google at your own risk.)
Hunger Games Characters
Sooooo many options here.
Why not start as a resident of Capital City? If you ever went costumed as Lady Gaga, you’re already two-thirds of the way there. Go with a curly wig and a skirt of some sort: this goes for you boys, as well. What about makeup? Think pale face and reversed color scheme: pink eyes and blue lips? You got it!
Any men willing to butcher their facial hair in pursuit of prize money? Carve your beard into something resembling flames on a 70s sports car, and you’re suddenly Seneca Crane.
Good luck to you all if Woody Harrelson decides to come out and compete in the Lahaina costume contest decked out as Haymitch Abernathy: in that case, our money’s on him for the gold. Otherwise? May the odds be ever in your favor.
Clint Eastwood and His Chair
Do we really need to explain?
Put on a suit and a gray wig. Grab a chair that you don’t mind carrying around all night. Mumble something about “go ahead…make my day.”
Done and done.
50 Shades of Grey
Front Street in Lahaina gets pretty wild anyway. It’s probably not out of line to suggest going with your usual and adding some handcuffs, a grey necktie, a harlequin mask, whips, chains, ball gags…whatever you happen to have lying around.
And if it is out of line?
Oops. Sorry about that.
Are you a local artist – sculptor, poet, mime, slack key guitar player, tattoo artist, photographer, pastry chef, performance artist, sand castle builder or comedian – with an interesting story to tell? Know of a great band, artist, author, filmmaker, or event coming to town? Have an idea for a fun or thought-provoking story? Get in touch: we want to hear from you. Vanessa(@mauinow.com)